The Trauma We Share

We get together monthly and discuss our learnings from the systemic field. We talk about everyday thoughts that surround us in the here and the now. It is a safe space for sharing and caring. As we share, we become aware of similar traumatic experiences, which is also present in our world.

Yes, it is time to acknowledge that we require individual healing on this path, even when working in a healing modality. The more I become aware of the conversation, the more I become aware of the expansion of all that exists in the generations previous to ours. We collectively become aware that trauma is an experience of pain as a perception of right or wrongdoing. 

A little girl whose parents abuse is not aware of the abuse per se. For her, it is her everyday world. For her, it is all she knows, and adjusts to that. Yes, she feels the pain of the punishment and sets about creating behavior patterns that lessen further assault situations. She learns coping mechanisms, and life continues until she reaches a high-level executive status. She has arrived in a world far from childhood abuse. Yet, in the freedom she has created for herself, she finds herself torn and tormented. Her relationships don’t work. She feels lonely and isolated. 

The childhood trauma that she has overcome with all her achievements to prove has caught up with her. 

Why? 

The trauma experienced as abuse, even without conscious recognition of abuse, exists in the subconscious. The body has kept the little girl alive. She has survived by building herself up with a series of beliefs and vows. 

We cannot outrun our early childhood experiences.

Wait!

There is more.

Let’s take a closer look. Why was the little girl subjected to the abuse?  Surely adults should know better?

Surely parents should want to protect their children and not harm them? 

What is wrong here?

What if the parent who harms their little girl is not even aware of the abuse they put on their child? What if the parent knows no better? If a parent does not know any better, their perception is that they are doing what they are doing, even if it is abusive, because they love their child. 

I know that I have grown up in a home with belief systems that were my truth. I did not question them. Only when I came in contact with different belief systems did I dare to ask. At first, the belief system that I grew up with was the only correct perspective. Eventually, I allowed the possibility of different truths to filter through, which allowed my views to change. 

Today I realize that my parents loved me, and the abuse was an expression of their love as distorted as it may be. The perspective and beliefs of that time were our worlds. The constructed beliefs protect our survival. It is what my parents knew and thought was best for all of us.

Today I can question those beliefs. 

Why did they come into existence?

How did they come into existence? 

Who did those beliefs serve best?

These are the questions we ask when we explore the generational trauma in a family system. Soon we learn that whatever hurts us today is a direct result of the pain patterns in a family system. 

Does is it right the abuse the little girl experienced? No!

Pre-existing patterns of abuse allow her to understand and have compassion for her actions and reactions to the abuse. It also allows her to have understanding for those who experienced their pain pattern that pre-existed her life. 

Life is sacred! 

The experience of trauma exposes the sacredness of all of life as it exists!