Sibling Bonds

What makes a bond between siblings so special?

Firstly, siblings are a combination of the same family systems, namely the father’s family system and the mother’s family system. Siblings carry the innate wisdom of both their family systems within them. They do not have to express the same perspectives in which they perceive the world. You can have multiple siblings in one family with the same mother and father. Each will have a different outlook on life, based upon their individual experience growing up—the nature versus nurture debate.

This bond is sacred. It is a deep innate bond.

When this bond is threatened, a discomfort and stress situation occurs. It feels like a piece within is severed. 

When this bond holds strong against all odds in life, the inner strength in each sibling is enhanced. 

I see this with my children. They live in different countries on different continents of the world. The Joy they experience when something positive happens in the lives of others is heartwarming. When something sad happens, they rally around and encourage one another. It fills my heart, as a mother, with Joy. 

Distance, living with their family units, and living within new cultures do not matter. 

I experience the same with my siblings. I am my father’s illegitimate child who was kept secret from my siblings for over fifty years. From the moment we met, something magical happened. It is a sharing of caring that is as it is. My cultural upbringing was completely different, yet the unspoken understanding of each other breaks all barriers. Coming into the sibling circle from the outside allowed me to observe our similarities instead of our differences. Although I come from a different mother, my father’s family system is strongly represented within my inner being.

Some of my siblings and cousins are currently experiencing heartache with the loss of partners. Although we cannot physically be together, the love flows and strengthens those grieving. A sense of unity and togetherness exists that is beyond description. It is sacred.

What happens when a sibling does not feel safe within a sibling bond?

The breakaway causes tension which leads to stress.

It is as if a piece of oneself is no longer accessible.

What happens when a sibling does not feel safe within a sibling bond?

The breakaway causes tension which leads to stress.

It is as if a piece of oneself is no longer accessible.

I observe this a lot with my clients. They struggle. The inner support that a sibling bond provides is no longer available. They may feel that the world turns against them when life is not inflow. 

Where do you find yourself in a relationship with one or all of your siblings?

Can you remember what leads up to the tension between you?

Is there a way forward that could re-create a solid bond between you and your sibling/s?

In Family Constellations, we observed that what was presented as a problem was driven by a completely different force. The rivalry between siblings occurs when they do not respect the order they were born. One may think that it would be obvious – everyone knows in which order they were born. Yes, that may be so, but when the client sets up the siblings and their parents, often a different picture emerges. Many families dysfunctions start with parents and siblings taking on roles that are not their function. The wisdom that strengthens the family unit becomes fragmented and distorted, creating further distortions and chaos for future families to function within. 

When each child feels safe in their position and role within the family, the family functions well as a family unit in the space of wholeness.

The wisdom that strengthens the original family unit is then passed down to future families in its wholeness. It is wise to honour our sibling bonding and create safe relationships with siblings.