Learning from the Systemic Field

Blind Love vs Mature Love

In one of my training sessions, the following question came up: “What is the difference between Blind Love and Mature Love?” The question was presented by a Relationship Coach.

I had never thought about it.  Before I start a constellation as a facilitator, I ask myself the following question: “Who or what is missing?” And “Who or what is not seen?”  With these questions in mind, we took a look at Blind Love.  By not going into its definition we simply looked at what happened in the systemic field. 

When two people look at each other in admiration and affection for each other it is a beautiful experience for each of them in their togetherness.  We acknowledged that.  What happens to those around who also want to become part of that beautiful experience?  They feel excluded.

Let’s look at an example.  A new baby is born and welcomed.  The mother is ecstatic and gives all her time and energy to this new baby.  This is a very positive experience for both of them.  Who feels excluded?  Yes, the father who as the contributing parent to this baby’s life feels excluded from the emotional bond. 

When the father stays in this new family relationship he either does so in the spirit of Mature Love.  He accepts what is and acknowledges his role as a loving husband and father.  In a constellation, we will still see that he is excluded from the bond between mother and child.

Let’s look at another example where a new baby is born and welcomed.  Both parents look at each other and share their joy and welcome the baby as an expansion of their love.  The parents together share their time and energy with the new baby. 

Mature Love expands as it includes. Blind Love contracts as it excludes.

Leave a Reply