Brother vs Brother

Sibling rivalry is as old as humankind itself. We all know the story of Cain and Abel. It’s the story of a brother, fighting brother; both are born from the same parents, yet they don’t see eye to eye.

 What causes this phenomenon of two different belief systems within one family structure?

Each brother insists their perspective be correct and needs to impose the will on the other or at least one of the brothers imposing his will.

It becomes a fight for dominance ” I am right! I want to be right! I need to be right, and I’ll do whatever I can to prove that I am right”. 

The question you, the reader, need to ask yourself is, 

Who am I in this?  

Do I want to prove my perspective in return, or do I want to find peace within a peaceful resolution?” 

What is my pattern of behavior within me? 

Who am I in this situation?

Take a check on your default pattern. Do you want to fight back, go into defense, or do you want to find a way to find peace?  

Am I the one who has a firm belief that I feel has excellent value, and I want everybody to know about it? Or, am I the brother who’s tight in my idea yet can say, “I hear your idea, but for me, I need to defend my belief. I allow you to have your belief but request that you also entertain my opinion. Our differences may be offering different and even opposing values. Each idea or perspective may have additional equal importance, and both beliefs may have a worth of living it through. Or, you can be the brother and say, “I want peace at all costs”. 

Which one are you?

Recently, one of my trainees asked how this plays out within systemic wisdom?

In the systemic field, we often see that each brother has the right to their own belief. Each brother follows the loyalty, or not, in the family system. The question that presents itself is, “Does one brother have the right to impose his will on the other brother”? To get an overall view, each brother has the right to follow his path in life. You may well ask, “What about the brotherly bond?” There is a natural bond between brothers because they naturally follow the same family dynamics. Brothers probably have similarities in their beliefs and only minor differences, but each brother is himself due to his family system. Each brother receives and takes the wisdom that is right for him from the system. The system is the same, but the choice of accepting and learning taken is independent of the other. It’s an independent choice. 

The offering and receiving within a family system are different between parent and child. The child owes his life to the parent, but he does not owe his life to the brother. How brother lives with brother, their relationship, and their choices between them are independent choices. Sibling relationships bring an energy of war or peace into the world. The choice is always an individual choice that creates massive family rifts or togetherness.